Last week, I called my mother to get some gift ideas for my nieces. Being the naive parent of twin toddlers that I am, I was unaware that Barbie had undergone some changes. As in, Barbie (“Fashionista”) looks a bit like a streetwalker nowadays. Yikes!

As a former educator of teens, I can tell you that I have seen my future, and while there are all sorts of incredible things awaiting me, there’s a whole lot that scares me too. Kids are just growing up way too fast nowadays. (Ever heard of “sexting“? Ugh. It’s a real word–one generally used in conjunction with middle schoolers.)

Parenting School Years magazine feels my oncoming pain, and therefore, is offering up advice in its December/January issue with “How to Teen-Proof Your Tween.” It’s time to step up our games, moms.

According to Kenneth R. Ginsburg, M.D., a professor of pediatrics at the University of Pennsylvania and author of “Building Resilience in Children and Teens,” parents need to raise their expectations for their children. He tells
the magazine, “Teenagers live up or down to our expectations. If you
expect negative behavior, kids will behave accordingly.”

Thankfully, Ginsburg adds, “But if you expect compassion and thoughtfulness, that’s what you’ll get.”

One researcher tells the magazine our presumptions about our kids become self-fulfilling prophecies for them and for
us. If we believe our kids will behave out of our control, we’re less
likely to put up the good fight, doubting our efforts will make a
difference.

Another mistake parents make is attributing all undesirable behavior to
hormones. Christy M. Buchanan, Ph.D, professor of psychology at
Wake Forest University, says those hormones are raging into the early
20s. The best thing we can do is take each period of grumpiness as
something aside from hormones, and approach that head on. “You need to say to yourself, there must be a reason for this behavior,” she tells Parenting School Years magazine,
“and I need to take the time to ask.”

If the behavior goes beyond mood swings and insecurities and into
troubling territory, be sure to set specific boundaries and inform your
kiddo of the consequences before he or she breaks on through to the other side. And here’s the tough part: Follow through on the discipline.

But wait! Before you become “the heavy,” be sure to balance your
discipline with some good face time, even if that’s just a family
dinner a few times a week. Make yourself available as a sounding
board, but do it on their time. You can’t force them to confide in you.
Tricky.

Maybe you’ll squeeze in some quality time while toting them to
soccer practice, or cello practice, or play practice. The main idea
here is keep ‘em busy and involved in something. Kids who are
involved in extracurriculars don’t have the down time to get into
mischief–at least not as much. Plus it builds self-esteem when they find
something they’re good at. Since you’re already there, make it a point
to know the other kids on the team, as well as their parents. Keep in
touch, and keep close tabs.

Oh, and pray, if that’s your thing. Often and a lot.