Top 10 (Un)Sexiest Magazine Covers of 2007

Every once in a while, the talents of a designer, a photographer, and an airbrush artist come together in a perfect storm of glossy periodical hotness. And sometimes they don't.

Here is this year's list:

#10 - Christina Aguilera (Too Much) Revealed, Marie Claire

Demi created the most notable naked and pregnant cover in 1991, and it was something new, bold, and maternal. When Britney did it, it was awkward and... well, awkward. Although technically ineligible for this year (it's a January 2008 cover), Christina barely makes it in at #10 for this bold progression of the baby bod series - beyond artistic aspiration and into blatant come-hitherness.

#9 - Our Knightley in Shining Suspenders, Interview

Wow. I loved her in Pirates 1, 2, and 3. I even liked her as a double for Natalie Portman in Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. But this takes me back to that time I accidentally walked in on my grandmother getting ready for church *shudder*. Not hot.

#8 - "This was custom-made just for me, y'all!", US Weekly

Tiger stripes, feathers, and fish net, oh my! Can we please agree that two animal-themed materials per costume should be the max? Although none of that really matters when you have your belly button perfectly framed in mesh. And that crazy look in the eyes, priceless.

#7 - Class-action Jackson, Ebony

Michael looks pretty. That shade of lipstick really suits him. Wait. Is it bad that we're no longer creeped out by his feathered hair, misshapen plastic face, and gold lamè?

#6 - Whiney Maguire, Premiere

Premiere seems to have a way of talking artists into hamming it up in character for cover photos. Without Spidey's mask, though, Tobey is more bratty than intense. "I'm blacksuit Spiderman and I want my allowance."

#5 - Posh + Becks, W

Sometimes there is a magazine cover that would have been hot if it hadn't tried so hard. Not so much "hot" as soft-core posing. On the hood of a car. In the desert. Half-naked. Wanted to be way hot, came in at passingly hot, result: not hot.

#4 - Almost TOO Easy, Modern Dog

Just a tip here, Tori: we know you're trying to keep the career thing going, but you might want to rethink having your image published worldwide under the masthead "Modern Dog." You stepped in it on this one.

#3 - Bulging Biceps, Men's Fitness

What the heck happened? We know the magazine ‘fessed up that the arms were 'enhanced' in post-production to match the headline on "BIG ARMS", but, seriously, it looks like they just put Andy's head on someone else's body. Good thing the headline was only about arms.

#2 - Bald Britney, US Weekly

Never in history has hotness worn out its welcome in such a sensational way as it did for Britney Spears in 2007. Someone please get this girl parental counseling, rehab, a pair of panties, and a wig. And take away her umbrella. Disturbing, and decidedly not hot.

#1 - I'm K-Fed, yo., Details

Problem #1, Kevin Federline on the cover of a magazine. Any magazine. Problem #2, it's the "power + influence" issue. This isn't so much the influential look, as it is the the 'waiter you hope didn't touch your food on the way out' look. Going for hotness at the expense of reality: not hot. Historians may argue, but this is a close second to the Nick Lachey leather and fur Details cover from 2004.

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